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Relationships are Like Bank Accounts

by / Wednesday, 23 October 2013 / Published in Commitment, Relationships

Have you made your daily love deposit yet? Relationships are like bank accounts – if you make regular deposits, then when there’s a withdrawal (like a fight or misunderstanding), the recovery rate is much quicker.

 

Deposits of positive memories will balance and eliminate withdrawals or even overdrafts when negative events create negative memories. It may be tempting to make a couple of really big deposits (an expensive holiday or gift, for example) but it’s the little things, the small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, that have the most return.

 

 

Always keep in mind that relationships are like bank accounts!  Dr Gary Chapman discusses in greater detail in his book The 5 Love Languages

Here are some reasons why relationships fail, and how to prevent that by making small, regular deposits into your Love Account:

1. Familiarity breeds contempt. “Contempt” may be a bit strong, when things become predictable, familiar and comfortable, they can become boring.

Solution: keep the spice alive. Focus on what attracted you in the first place! Don’t take your partner for granted!

What to deposit:

  • Spontaneity. Do something together, outside your routine.
  • Compliments and other displays of appreciation
  • Gratitude for what your partner brings to the relationship
  • Gratitude for the ways the relationship enhances your life

 

2. Poor communication. If you cannot express needs, desires, ideas and values openly and honestly, how can you expect your partner to know what to do? Fear of rejection, fear of causing hurt and insecurity can keep a lot of important things from being said.

Solution: find loving, compassionate and respectful ways to communicate what is important to you.

What to deposit:

  • Ask questions about things that are important to your partner – never in a confrontational way, but in a way that helps you understand where they’re coming from.
  • Listen, in the spirit of openness, understanding, empathy and love
  • Trust of your partner, and honesty from you
  • Keep an open line of communication – always be approachable. Sometimes your partner will point out things about you that you don’t want to hear. Can you recognise the lessons in what their perspective offers you?

 

3. Stress. Practically every relationship problem can be traced to stress.

Solution: Find ways to relieve stress such as exercise or meditation. Go for a walk – together! Go to a concert – together! Sit in quiet companionship and watch the sunset – together! Talk about solutions instead of problems! Be partners!

What to deposit:

  • Time together, just enjoying the moment and each other’s company
  • Getting to the root of what your stressors are and what your partner’s stressors are, ask about what they are feeling – and supporting each other in coping.
  • Staying calm.
  • Give yourselves a break – this may mean a little time apart, or time together away from it all.

 

4. Lack of respect and mutual support. We come into relationships as individuals, with our own dreams, needs, values, quirks and traits.

Solution: respect your partner for who he/she is and support them in the quest for their dreams – even if those dreams have nothing to do with yours! Don’t try to change them (you can’t).

What to deposit:

  • Spontaneous acts of kindness and support
  • Putting aside your ego and working with your partner instead of against him/her
  • Going out of your way to support your partner’s dreams
  • Taking full responsibility for your thoughts and behaviours

 

Perhaps the most important element of communication is the ability to see things from your partner’s perspective. Each of us comes into a relationship with a unique perspective based on individual backgrounds. This means, we each have our own version of the truth! So every day, the single most important deposit into your Love Account is an open mind.

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