A little wine and romance will go further towards getting me in mood than humping my leg like a horny golden retriever. Also, helping around the house will have the same effect on me as alcohol does on a high school girl on prom night.
If I’m getting ready to start my period or I have my period while we are arguing and you don’t have chocolate in hand, you’re basically swimming with sharks while bleeding – nice knowing you.
My retail therapy is the female equivalent to your sports obsession, so don’t intervene unless you want me to return the favor.
It’s not called “nagging.” It’s called asking you for the 637th time to do something that I shouldn’t have had to ask about in the first place, and don’t even call me a nag or I’ll hang your balls out to dry for at least two weeks.
If I’m acting crazy, remember, I didn’t choose to be born with hormone induced rage blackouts, but you chose to marry me. So who’s the crazy one here???
Remember you’re going home with me so stick up for me to your mother OR ELSE.
I have yet to meet anyone who has died of a cold. Not really a rule, but just some food for thought…
If you want me to stop talking, acknowledge you heard me, and I’ll shut up (maybe).
I get an “I’m right” trump card that’s good for 5 years times infinity for every human that emerged from my body. Game. Set. Match. End of argument.
Even when I actually am being a crazy bitch, always remember that I’m your crazy bitch, and you know you LOVE me.
On a more serious note, here is how to keep your wife (or husband) happy:
LISTEN!!!! Be fully present when she’s speaking. Don’t be thinking ahead to your rebuttal. Don’t be thinking about something else. Hear what is being communicated, more than just verbally. Don’t try to fake listening. Everyone knows that vacant, glazed-over look when someone isn’t listening, or those muttered “uh-huh” that are meant to convey “I’m listening” but really mean, “would you please shut up, I’m busy with something else.”Men are incredibly good at focusing on one thing at a time (harking back to the hunter-gatherer days). So, if his wife wants to discuss something, he must make a choice: to tune in to her, or not. If he’s distracted already (ladies, never start a conversation in the middle of a football game!) it’s going to be extraordinarily difficult to get anything more than a grunted syllable or two. And he’s NOT listening!So – gentlemen – if your wife wants to talk, ask yourself if you are able and willing to give her your undivided attention. If you honestly can’t, then don’t say yes! Tell her you would like to give her 100% but you’re feeling distracted right now – and make a date with her to do that, that very same day. Keep that date.This kind of 100% fully present listening shows respect, compassion and love – three things that will make your wife (or, again, your husband) happy. Everyone wants, and deserves, to be heard. If you take nothing else from this article, please remember this!
Remember that a partnership is designed to enhance both of your lives. Choose to see the positives in your wife. Choose to remember what brought you together in the first place.
Take ownership of your role in the relationship. No one can make you feel a certain way (“she makes me so angry!”). No one can dictate your response to a situation (“he made me so upset I threw my dinner plate at him!”).