Relationship or Rollercoaster? You Choose

by / Thursday, 17 October 2013 / Published in Life, Relationships

Relationships are a serious commitment. Every relationship has periods of intense passion, awesomeness, happiness, comfort and companionship… and periods of ugliness, pain, boredom, insecurity and even loneliness.
So… relationship or rollercoaster? You choose! Maintaining a relationship means riding the roller coaster of emotions and doing what you can to allow love to conquer all!

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” ~ Sam Keen

A relationship isn’t a fairytale. No relationship will ever measure up to a fantasy ideal or expectations in your mind.

The biggest lesson is: let go of what you want your partner to be! You cannot ever change your partner. Don’t create a romantic tragedy when your partner does not measure up to your expectations. Accept them for who he or she really is. Do not expect anything from them that they cannot give (as you would not expect a fish to behave like a bird).

Other lessons for avoiding the roller coaster and creating a lasting bond:

1. Recognise the mirror. Your partner is, in many ways, a mirror of who you are inside. When you see things about your partner that irritate you, it’s because you recognise that trait in yourself! You may embody its opposite, but in some way, that irritation is borne of an irritation with some aspect of yourself). Instead of blaming and condemning, identify the root of why that behaviour irritates you. What can you fix or heal within yourself?


2. You are complete. No one can ever “complete” you. After all, you weren’t born with a huge void inside you that needed to be filled. Love yourself first – as a complete, perfect being – and radiate that love outward to your partner. Never expect a partner to fill some imaginary void or make you feel a certain way. Only you can decide how happy you’re going to be!


3. Own your behaviours. “He makes me so angry!” “She made me lose my temper in front of the kids!” Wrong! No one can make you choose to react negatively! No one can make you interpret their behaviour in such a way that you “must” fly into a rage!


4. Avoid drama. Drama can seem exciting but it’s draining and drives a wedge between you. Talk when you are both calm. Try to understand where your partner is coming from. Their point of view is just as valid as yours! Always be open to communication. You both have the right to be heard. Your needs, desires, ideas and values are no good to anyone if they are not expressed (in a loving, respectful, kind way).


5. Give what you wish to receive: unconditional love, respect, appreciation, kindness, passion and friendship! What you give will come back to you.


6. Focus on gratitude. Whenever something is amiss in the relationship, be grateful for its lessons. The more you express gratitude, the more you will appreciate the many gifts that a relationship brings to your life.

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